Choosing an Egg Donor

Let’s talk about the most important part of your surrogacy journey, and it’s a step that happens even before you start working with a surrogacy agency. You might be wondering why a surrogacy agency director like me is talking about steps that come before agency involvement, and that’s a good question. But from my own experience as someone who’s been through this journey as an Intended Parent, I cannot stress enough how crucial this early stage is. I’m talking about choosing an egg donor. It’s arguably the most important step of all. Think of it like laying the foundation when you’re building a house. This is the step that sets the tone for everything that follows and has a big impact on how your journey unfolds.

Much like designing your dream home, building the family of your dreams requires careful planning, consideration, and investment. Just as a solid foundation is necessary for constructing a sturdy building, the choices you make in the family-building process form the structure of your future family’s life. Each decision, whether it’s finding the right Surrogate or navigating fertility treatments, contributes to shaping the family you’ve always envisioned. Let’s focus on the first step on this journey: choosing an egg donor.

The Importance of Egg Donation

With 12% of all IVF cycles involving the assistance of an egg donor, it’s clear that this is a role in the family-building industry that cannot be overlooked. So, how does this impact your surrogacy journey? Well, choosing your egg donor is just as crucial, if not more so, than finding the right Surrogate. When you are building the family of your dreams, it’s essential to have a comprehensive understanding of the egg donation process. This knowledge will help you confidently navigate your surrogacy journey and make decisions that will benefit your family-building dreams.

Based on my experience as both an agency director and a former Intended Parent, I believe that there are three key areas to consider when selecting an egg donor. Not only will these considerations lay the groundwork for a successful journey but also for the future of your family.

#1: Consider the Source

Choosing the right egg donor begins with choosing the right source. Typically, Intended Parents have two main options to consider in their search for selecting a source for an egg donor.

The first source I typically see Intended Parents consider is a private agency. This could be their surrogacy agency, which not only recruits and matches Surrogates with Intended Parents, but also sources egg donors for their journeys. It could be a private egg donation agency focused solely on recruiting egg donors.

However, the second option, which I highly recommend, is in-house programs offered by IVF clinics. Egg donors recruited through IVF clinics have typically undergone a level of pre-screening required by the clinic. This means that when you review a donor’s profile from an IVF clinic, they have already received the approval of a reproductive endocrinologist.

I recommend sourcing through an IVF clinic because choosing an egg donor through a private agency will run the risk that the donor may not meet the screening criteria of the fertility clinic you’ll eventually partner with. By cutting out the middleman and selecting a donor directly from your clinic, you save time and ensure a confident selection process.

In the end, when you choose the right source, you can be sure that you are on track to find a great match, regardless of who you ultimately choose.

#2: Arrangement Type

The second aspect to consider when choosing an egg donor is figuring out which arrangement type works best for you. In this process, you’ll encounter three different types of arrangements based on different communication preferences between you and your future egg donor. As you start reviewing egg donor profiles, you’ll be matched with candidates who align with your preferred arrangement type.

The first type of arrangement is “known egg donation.” In this setup, Intended Parents and egg donors have a direct relationship and are aware of each other’s identities.

The second option is “semi-known egg donation,” where there is limited disclosure of identities, with access to non-identifying information. Additionally, in this scenario, there remains the option of transitioning into a “known arrangement type” if all parties agree.

The final arrangement type is “anonymous egg donation.” As the name suggests, this arrangement involves no contact and complete anonymity regarding each other’s identities.

If you are interested in learning more about different arrangement types, I encourage you to explore my earlier Surrogacy Talk, “Selecting an Egg Donor” where I discuss the pros and cons of each type and insights based on my experience with clients here at Golden.

When selecting an arrangement type, the key is to understand what each one involves and determine which aligns best with your preferred level of communication. Remember, there’s no wrong decision, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your family-building choices. What works for you may not work for everyone else, and that’s perfectly okay. Ultimately, you owe it to yourself to make the choice that feels right for you.

#3: Prioritize Selection Criteria

The third and final aspect to consider when choosing an egg donor is prioritizing your selection criteria. You’ll want to ask yourself, “What qualities matter most to me in an egg donor?” Examples include health history, education, and physical attributes. Drawing from my own experience as an Intended Parent, my husband Adam and I approached the process by prioritizing those exact three qualities.

When it came to health history, we felt it was in our future family’s best interest to understand the health background of the egg donors we were considering. This included not only the donor’s current state of health but also that of her family. Here are some questions we asked when reviewing egg donor profiles:

1. How old is her oldest living relative?
2. For deceased relatives, what was the cause of their passing?
3. Are there any instances of cancer or other genetic disorders in the family that could potentially affect our future children?

The second quality we prioritized was education. While you can debate the age-old question of “nature versus nurture” in education, for Adam and me, it boiled down to something simpler: sharing a common interest in education with an egg donor. It wasn’t about degrees or perfect GPAs. What mattered most was finding someone who shared our passion for learning and curiosity, regardless of formal credentials.

The last quality we prioritized was physical attributes. Whether you are a traditional couple thinking about starting a family or an Intended Parent embarking on a surrogacy journey, the idea of what your future kids will look like is always a fun topic. Coming from a former Intended Parent, I remember choosing potential egg donors and thinking to myself, “what would my child look like when combined with this person’s genetic material?”

Before I continue, let’s address the obvious. Naturally, all we want is a healthy baby and to start our lives as parents. Having a baby is a blessing, regardless of appearance, so why worry about looks, right? While this sentiment holds true and should be the thought process for all Intended Parents beginning a surrogacy journey, discussions about the physical attributes of a donor often come up in my conversations with clients. So, please, don’t feel ashamed if appearance is among your top three selection criteria. It’s perfectly normal and, as I mentioned, was a key consideration in my own surrogacy journey.

Creating a Strong Foundation

Ultimately, choosing an egg donor isn’t just another step in your surrogacy journey, it’s the foundation for building the family you’ve always dreamed of. By understanding the ins and outs of the egg donation process, you’re taking a significant step toward achieving your family goals. Every decision you make shapes the future you envision. Think carefully about the source, arrangement type, and selection criteria for your egg donor to set your surrogacy journey up for success. Remember, this is the person whose DNA you will be combining with yours, so you deserve nothing less than the best.