Frank and Adam chose to talk openly with their children about how their family was formed. In this video, Frank describes their approach as talking about the story early and often, with transparency. It is a personal example you can consider as you prepare for conversations in your own home.
You do not need a perfect speech. It can be more useful to think about the words you want to use, the questions you welcome, and the details that belong to other people as well as your family.
Build a story you can keep talking about
Start with a truthful explanation you feel comfortable returning to. You might describe the people who helped, the wish to become parents, and the role of the Surrogate in carrying the pregnancy. Avoid promises about how a child will feel or assuming one conversation answers every future question.
For example, a parent might say, “We wanted to become parents, and someone helped by carrying you during pregnancy.” The details you add will depend on your family and the questions being asked. This is a conversation starter, not a script every family must use.
Agree on the words you use
If more than one adult is explaining the story, talk together about terminology. A gestational Surrogate and an egg donor have different roles. Use language that reflects your actual journey rather than a simplified explanation that you later need to undo.
Our surrogacy glossary can help adults clarify those terms. A reproductive mental health professional can help you think through how to discuss your family’s circumstances with your children.
Respect the people in the story
- Discuss what photos, names, and personal details you have permission to share.
- Keep the Surrogate’s private medical information separate from the child’s family story.
- Consider how donor-related information will be preserved and discussed when relevant.
- Agree on how adults will respond to questions from relatives, classmates, or strangers.
Leave room for new questions
A question can be an invitation to talk without requiring a long explanation all at once. If you do not know how to answer, you can say that you want to think about it together or seek reliable guidance. Keep important records and memories organized so you are not relying on recollection alone.
The goal is a family conversation you can continue with honesty and care. Frank’s experience shows one way to make surrogacy part of that conversation; your own family’s story will have its own details.
Frank welcomes a conversation about this topic even if you are not a Golden client. You can also ask the team for help finding a mental health professional experienced in third-party reproduction or alternative family building.
